A client who is in the midst of a painful breakup asked: “How do I ever love again? How do I open my heart up again to the potential of this type of pain? It makes me never want to date or risk that ever again.” My response back was…

We all grew up watching Disney movies and rom-coms, putting our hand over our heart and pledging that we would wait for our person to show up and hold us like they lost and then found us. We have been conned into believing in “the one,” the one perfect person…

Hint: We Don’t. “We don’t so much solve our problems as we outgrow them. We add capacities and experiences that eventually make us bigger than the problems.” — C.G. Jung A long time ago an ex-partner of mine said in frustration “we don’t always have to be growing and changing!”…

‘Letting go’ does not mean ‘doing nothing’ — At dinner on New Year’s Eve, a small group of friends and I reflected on the past decade and discussed what we hoped to see come to fruition in 2020. It was less about resolutions (personally, I hate resolutions—they set us up to fail), and more about intentions or areas…

Pain is Inevitable. Suffering is not. — I have a tendency of thinking about things in a very logical way, somewhat detached, rolling it around in my mind examining it from every angle. Recently, however, grief has shown up in such a present and personal way that it has challenged my seeming ability to keep a distance…

How the Silent Treatment Destroys Relationships — The feelings of anger, frustration, betrayal, and annoyance washed over me. Followed by an intense desire to push him away, throw up my hands, and say “fuck it and fuck you.” This is not a feeling most of us want to associate with our intimate partners. And yet, 3-months into…

I’m a therapist who recently had one of the most challenging years of my life — it changed me for the better — In psychology and the world of self-betterment, we always talk about “resiliency” as a barometer for mental health. Resiliency has always been something I talked about with my own therapist and with my clients but, until a recent challenging experience in my own life, I didn’t truly understand it in…

Breaking the Chains of our Unconscious Patterns — Cycles and patterns have been on my mind lately. Cycles of behavior, of thought, of emotions, the dances we do with ourselves and with others. The idea that unless we are intimately familiar with our inner selves we are destined to repeat the same cycles over and over again. …