Anger is a Motivator for Change Just Don’t get Stuck There.

In psychology, we call anger a secondary emotion because generally, underneath anger is something else:

Hurt, rejection, sadness, fear, frustration, powerlessness.

Many of us not only feel anger first but also have a tendency to cling to it. Partly because anger is less vulnerable than sitting in hurt or rejection or, if you’re a man, because it’s more socially acceptable to express than any of the other emotions.

While it’s important for me as a therapist to work with my clients to understand what’s under their anger, I also don’t like them to move through anger too quickly. In 2018 I wrote an article called The Danger of False Positivity and Spiritual Bypassing. It spread faster than I expected and was reblogged in numerous online publications. I wrote the article in response to what I felt, and still feel, is a fakeness in pop psychology and spirituality. There is such a push for “positive vibes only,” for ending relationships with people who “bring you down,” or don’t support your expansion with a “growth mindset,” or for labeling those who we don’t agree or energetically align with as “toxic.” In my professional opinion, this is a dangerous space to occupy.

Like it or not, the ugly and uncomfortable parts of our humanity are where the most growth can occur. Anger is a great motivator for change. It can be an indicator that a boundary has been crossed or that there is an emotional wound that needs your attention. If harnessed and…