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Do You Shut Down Instead of Speak Up?
Why Expressing Your Emotions is Crucial for Self-Growth
In yoga asana (the physical practice of yoga), the pose begins when you want to leave it. It’s when we can notice that resistance (and sometimes muscle scorching discomfort), take an inhale, and then exhale more deeply into the pose that the real transformational work happens. I believe the same can be said for life, relationships, career, and in general our overall personal and spiritual growth.
Can we notice the moment where we tense up and want to flee, take a breath, and then lean in or get even more present? Can we have the difficult conversations regardless of what we think the outcome will be? Because that’s where the real self-work is.
I’m always pushing my clients to put their emotions into words and to speak their truth. I myself battle internally with being someone who likes to think a little too much about what I want to say before I say it. I’m an over-analyzer, and sometimes I can analyze my way out of speaking up altogether. I do, however, like to own what’s mine before talking to my partner, or a family member, or friend about a conflict or a hurt feeling. And, I do believe that if you are very activated or worked up it’s ok to not speak in that moment. Especially, if you know you have a tendency to say things you’ll regret, or to get intensely angry, or to lash out to hurt the other person.
Even in the moments when you don’t want (or don’t know how) to speak up for yourself, you can still take notice of what’s happening internally for you. You can still feel the tightness in your stomach, the burning in your chest, the lump in your throat. I challenge you then to try and name it physiologically first. Eventually, the emotional correlation will come. If you are new to recognizing and verbalizing emotions, simply naming the physical feeling might be the first step for you, and that’s ok, start where you’re at. If I’m feeling particularly worked up I close my eyes, place my hand on the part of my body where I can feel the sensation and name it. And then when the physical sensation changes, I name it again, and again. And so on.
Perhaps in the moment while you’re learning how to not be reactive and instead be responsive, you can try simply telling the…
