Why Happily Ever is BS

We all grew up watching Disney movies and rom-coms, putting our hand over our heart and pledging that we would wait for our person to show up and hold us like they lost and then found us. We have been conned into believing in “the one,” the one perfect person on this planet who we’re supposed to spend the rest of our life with and who will probably be arriving on a white horse. Or in a Prius. Either way, once we find this person, everything will fall into place. We will finally be happy, complete, and living in peace and harmony in a castle, a blue lagoon, or a two-story Craftsman with matching BMWs and 2.2 beautiful kids.

The truth is, at some point in our thirties each of us woke up and realized that happily ever after was bullshit and relationships take a ton of work. We’re not alone in that revelation, or in thinking that most adults eventually adopt the theory that “the one” is a fantasy and there are many many different people we could end up in healthy, happy, wonderful relationships with over the course of our lives.

But most of our clients have to be told explicitly to let go of the idea of “the one” when we start working together. Many of them couldn’t get to this revelation on their own. In fact, holding so tightly to the security blanket idea of “the one” stripped them of the chance to even do the work in their relationships, because it gave them an escape hatch…